“Yes, the more successful you are - or the stronger, the more opinionated - the less you will be generally liked,” wrote Jessica Valenti in a great piece on women and likeability published by The Nation a few months ago. Now you’re inspired to prove that their jealousy is warranted. They’re validation that you’re a big deal. The lesson? Haters aren’t something to be feared. You’ve seen the reality TV clips and the GIFs: Haters gonna hate. Haters have also morphed into a meme of their own. While the term “hater” has been around as long as hip-hop, it’s become so commonplace for rappers to decry their haters (or thank them, if you’re Kanye) that last year Complex named it one of the biggest clichés in the genre. Rather than starving them, savvy people now brag about their trolls, and even use the haterade to their advantage. But in these days of democratized communication, when even the casual Facebook update can prompt a heated discussion, haters are everywhere. “Don’t feed the trolls” is advice that bloggers of all genders have taken to heart. “My point is not that we should speak up at any cost, but rather that we can’t allow fear of negative feedback to determine what kind of voice we have in the world.” But the alternative is to be inconsequential,” the Op-Ed Project’s founder and CEO Katie Orenstein told me. “I have a mantra: If you say things of consequence, there may be consequences. Fellows in the yearlong Op-Ed Project program, which is designed to empower women to become opinion leaders, learn not just how to write op-eds and speak in soundbites but also how to handle the negative feedback and “address opposition” when they become spokespeople in national media. But for most women, ad-hominem attacks - many of them violent and sexual in nature - have a chilling effect on their willingness to speak up publicly as experts. I relish my hate mail because it’s how I know an article I’ve written is really making the rounds. I’ll let you in on a secret, though: I love my haters. (Sorry to make you roll solo on this one, Brooke Hogan.) I have a Gmail tag for the hate mail I get, and it contains such gems as this response to an article I wrote about contraception coverage in the health reform bill: “Keep your damn clothes on and your tits and vag covered your BF (future BF, husband, etc.) doesn’t want your privates public.” Okay, then! No more going out in those crotchless jeans. “Having one and flaunting it is somehow asking an amorphous mass of almost-entirely male keyboard-bashers to tell you how they’d like to rape, kill and urinate on you.” Most women have met with personal attacks not just in the comments, but on Facebook and Twitter and in their e-mail in-boxes. “A woman’s opinion is the mini-skirt of the internet,” writes British columnist Laurie Penny. Their bullies and bosses didn’t follow them home - didn’t hound them on their iPhones.”įor women, the effect is often compounded. Lewis writes, “past generations could mostly leave their problems at work. (Beard appeared on a BBC1 TV show a blog posted the clip.) Journalists and the experts they quote aren’t the only ones dealing with this type of hate. Buzzfeed’s Ben Smith was dismissive, tweeting, “Am I wrong in thinking it’s crazy that people still read, much less write about, blog comments?” But many people do, especially writers who are up-and-coming and those who aren’t used to being in the public eye. Her story is remarkable precisely because it is so relatable. “Beard’s features were even superimposed on an image of female genitalia.” “In one of the milder examples, Beard was called ‘a vile, spiteful excuse for a woman, who eats too much cabbage and has cheese straws for teeth,’” the Guardian reported. Recently a British classics professor named Mary Beard was inundated with nasty comments after she participated in an online forum at the Guardian.
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